It feels like it has been officially too long since my last post. My truth is I really don’t like to write from a place of need but rather from a place of desire. My writing is my creative space and if it isn’t authentic then I don’t want to taint it with other ideas or motivations.
Today is Litha, the Summer Solstice, and as I slowly submerge myself into the teachings of Mother Nature and all of her cycles I find myself feeling weirdly at ease. Like I have been here before. Like I have returned home to something I once lived in.
I often reflect on Mother. Motherhood. Women. Womb. Worth.
Power. Feminine Power. Female Divine.
I think that for many years I lost it. My initiation into my womaness was one wrought with cultural toxicity and wounding. I was young, vulnerable, hungry to know, to understand, to experience and I was alone. In all of it. Confused and misguided I found myself in situations and relationships that were harmful to my whole being. To my body. To my sexuality. I emerged out of those precious years of development and into my young adulthood riddled with fear and uncertainty about myself as a woman and a deep longing to be connected through intimacy to a man. My circuitboard was miswired though and the energy that drove me became harmful and self-destructive.
I am learning how to reclaim this power. In all honesty this journey started unbeknownst to me many years ago, moving into my conscious mind sometime in 2017, steadily growing in 2019 along with my womb and then exploding in 2020 when I gave birth to my daughter. The initiation into motherhood was hard and intense as it often is for women, however, mine also brought with it a deep sense of peace and grounding. My daughter gave me a new sense of purpose and renewed this passion in me to continue evolving into the greatest version of myself. What I didn’t realize fully at that time was that the journey would include immense loss and deep grieving. That my source of strength already resided within me and was longing for me to connect with her as much as I had been longing to connect with a man. I learned that in order to maintain my power source, I had to stop giving it away so freely. I had to establish boundaries to protect it, even from the people who I cared for most.
I lost the man and gained myself.
This spring I went underground and I didn’t even realize it. Much like a new seedling waiting to burst forth into the summer sun I have been waiting with patience and ease to emerge into something new and exciting. Now here I am, celebrating the Summer Solstice with my face smiling towards the sun. Something new has in fact emerged and I am excited to learn more about what and who it is.
This morning I set new intentions. I put forth into the greater creation my deepest desires and longings. I offered gratitude for the changing seasons and surrendered to my process of healing. I asked for more patience and kindness with my daughter. For more clarity and courage in my truth. For progression and healing in my womanness. For connection and trust in my relationships. For wisdom and loving-kindness in all that I do, speak, and create.
I ask now for a summer blessing over you dear reader. I offer gratitude for the time spent in reading these words. May you find immense joy and playfulness in this season. May you find connection and love in your relationships. May you find quiet and stillness in your heart. May you find wisdom.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.
May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy.
May it be for me.
May it be for you.
May it be for all of us.