It once was lost
But now I’ve buried it
The Earth it opens and happily welcomes it.
White, wispy, webs of sweet silky tendrils
Drip from bones
Entangled in my fingers it longs to stay where it feels most at home
Interwoven into my womb and chest
Protecting my labia from unwanted distress.
I whisper prayers of forgiveness and lay it to rest
I have not abandoned you innocence.
I am not leaving you behind.
I am not lying to you and I will not deny the longing you have to stay in my mind.
But we both need to admit that now is the time.
I’m searching for the words to speak at your grave
To let you know I am thankful for all that you gave
For all of the times that you kept me safe
For all of the times that you kept me sane
For all the times that you kept me brave
Emboldened with passion and purpose and pain
You gave me the guidance to find who I am.
The truth is
There are no words
Only body sounds
Rumbling slow and low to the ground.
Then time stops…
And all is frozen.
The lights go out
And the door starts closing
The body remembers but the mind goes blank
There are no words
Just a residual taste.
My innocence was once lost
But now it is Buried.
She was My love
Not a burden to carry
She was My love
And now she is Buried.
A blog about the intersections of motherhood, psychotherapy, and the journey of being "good-enough".