I had a disturbing experience this week that pulled out what many might say “the worst in me.”
My rage.
I once upon a time may have also named it as “the worst” but today I know it simply as my justified emotion.
Just as vital and necessary as all the others.
Literally hardwired into my mammalian brain.
I felt it.
I verbalized it in rather colorful, satisfying language in the sanctity of safe space with a trusted friend.
I purged it from my body knowing that what was being purged wasn’t MY feelings but the toxic waste of another’s projections onto me.
This field is fucking rough sometimes. Let me tell you that it is NEVER the client that evokes these types of responses from me.
Their projections are my job.
Not to hold them or take them on but to receive them with loving kindness, speak words of validation to them and hand them back. Breaking them down into material that is more easily digested and integrated.
The projections of others, however, that set off my amygdala and put me on the defense…
That threatens the wellbeing of my clients…
That carries the flavor of implicit bias and empowerment to the systems of oppression…
Those projections fill me with RAGE.
Jesus flipping tables kid of rage.
Justified rage.
What in the INjustice?!
Kind of rage.
The kind that is responding to an attack on truth in an attempt to color it with a destructive and deeply harmful lie.
I raged this week.
I cried.
I validated.
I comforted from a place of needing my own comfort.
I shared in the trauma as it caused my skin to bleed as well.
This is the way of the modern day warrior.
I went into the warzone this week and bellowed from my soul the high pitched battle cry that elicits bone chills.
I took some blows.
I consulted and strategized.
I picked up my weapon of truth and put it into words that pierce.
I was professional.
I was ethical.
I was passionate.
I was rageful.
I was me.
All of me.
A Mommy Therapist Warrior that is not to be fucked with.
So darkness beware.
Your attempts at putting out my light only brought fuel to the fire.
Rage on my wounded warriors.
May your lights burn so bright
That they scorch the eyes of your enemies.