I am feeling very whelmed today. Not over. Not under. Just mid-level water logged. The traumas that have occurred at our local High Schools this last week have me ignited and I am trying to sort through the hot coals and burnt charcoal of it all.
The traumas my clients swim in on the daily seems to be compiling in my subconscious warehouses and it feels like a hurricane has come and caused a flash flood. It all feels wet and uncertain. Where do you begin the clean up? How long is it going to take to dry out? What has been damaged beyond repair and what needs to be fought for, salvaged, or repaired?
Being a therapist is beautiful and exhausting. Much like motherhood.
There are moments of overwhelm as well as tedious, redundant boredom (paperwork and morning routines) that cause an unstimulated underwhelm. Seeking balance has become the focus point of my wellness and sometimes I just can’t get it right.
Collective traumas that impact thousands of people hits differently. It also hits differently when it’s YOUR people. Your home. Your community. When it’s your High Schools in the headlines and your clients being hit with experiences that are far beyond what their still developing, fragile psyches have the capacity to digest and comprehend.
It whelms me.
I know these waters will recede and that the sun will begin to shine again. The water will transform into vapors and relief will slowly begin to set in. I know the pain doesn’t last. The wave will crest and spread itself out to it’s thinnest form along the shores and then dissipate back into it’s mother to be recycled and renewed into something new.
I know these things.
I have lived these things.
I invite the waves and surrender to them.
And still I am whelmed.
My heart is heavy. My mind wanders. At this moment I don’t want to live in this reality. I want the fantasy. I want the dream. I want to close my eyes and sleep.
And so instead, I’ll Let It Be.